Top 10 Red Flags to look out for when dating

Dating in today’s world can be tricky. There are a lot of different people out there and not all of them have your best interest at heart. When you date someone for the first time, there is a learning curve, but there are definitely some signs you should never ignore. Keeping these red flags in mind may just save your life, or at the very least from heartbreak. When dating be on the lookout for:

1. Social Isolation

Always be vigilant if your partner doesn’t want you to build relationships outside the one you have with them. You should be asking yourself does it seem like I’m losing the relationships outside of your romantic one. Always pay attention to whether your significance other is the person standing in the way of your connection to people other than them. Friendships are healthy and a good partner respects your relationships and wants you to maintain those connections. If your partner isn’t doing this it often serves as a sign that your partner is attempting to isolate you from your support system to gain control.

2. Prioritizing Their Needs

Often when we, as a society, think about conflict, we think about fighting and yelling. However, conflict could be about something as simple as you and your partner disagreeing about what pizza to order for movie night. And as silly as that conflict is handling conflict effectively is an important part of building strong healthy relationships. If your partner is conflict avoidant, not only do you miss the opportunity to work things out, you also don’t get to grow. You will not always agree with one another, and that’s why conflict is important - because without it, someone is not having their needs met.

3. Conflict Aviodance

4. No Friends

Often when we, as a society, think about conflict, we think about fighting and yelling. However, conflict could be about something as simple as you and your partner disagreeing about what pizza to order for movie night. And as silly as that conflict is handling conflict effectively is how to build strong healthy relationships. If your partner is conflict avoidant not only, do you miss the opportunity to work things out between you, you also get to grow. You will not always agree with one another and that’s why conflict is important because without it someone is always not having their needs met.

Friends are supposed to be people that know us very well, sometimes even better than we know ourselves. Your friends usually have the same morals and values as you do. When your friends and the person you’re dating meet, it shouldn’t be like mixing oil and water. The fact that your friends don’t like your partner may be a sign that you aren’t equally yoked. If your friends don’t like them, they could be seeing something about your partner that you refuse to see. It’s possible to overlook issues in your relationship that your friends and family notice. If your friends tell you they don’t like your partner or they sense something off about them, at least hear them out.

5. Crazy Exes

Are all their exes crazy? That should tell you something, especially if they have nothing positive to say about them. However, what if all their exes REALLY were crazy? Then it’s important to look at what all those exes have in common – they all dated him/her. People that are truly over their ex can usually find one positive thing to say about them. It’s a bad sign if all they do is talk trash about their ex. It might also be a sign that they are not over that relationship. Also consider the fact that if your relationship ends your partner will talk about you the same way.

6. Lack of accountability

Is everything somehow your fault – even when you’re the one who feels wronged? Don’t take it personally, especially when your partner refuses to take accountability for their actions. This shows your partner can’t take responsibility, and as the relationship continues, you will be blamed for everything.

7. Boundary Pushing

Abusers take your boundaries as a challenge and will attack them to see what they can get away with. When you first start dating a person, be wary of casual disrespect toward things like your time, space and things. A person who disrespects you and gets defensive when you tell them they crossed a line is NOT someone you should keep around. When you start a relationship with someone, that person should at the very least show you respect and treat you like a human being.

8. Dishonest & Deceitful

Dishonesty and deceit should automatically be a no go when selecting a partner. Your partner should always be honest with you. Pay attention to your partner if you catch your partner in a lie; how does he/she react? One of the biggest things you should pay attention to is how they react when you catch them. Do they double down? Do they fess up? Or do they refuse to speak and try to change the subject? If they double down, you now know your partner is willing to lie to you and refuses to admit the truth even when asked. If they do choose to fess up, they still might not be trustworthy. For some, lying may be part of their personality. They will continue lying to you, seeing if they can get away with it. And if your partner chooses to shut down/ stonewall you, this shows their unwillingness to take responsibility. Sometimes trying to have a serious conversation can feel like talking to a brick wall.

9. Gaslight

Gaslighting has become a pretty big buzzword in recent years. It involves the manipulator making you question your reality with phrases like. “That never happened” or “You’re too sensitive”. The term originated from a play tells the story of a husband who manipulates his wife until she starts to question her own perception of reality. Gaslighting in real life works much the same. The manipulator often uses this tactic to make you question reality until you become reliant on them for the truth. This gives them control over you because gaslighting systematically makes you doubt yourself and your perception of the world around you.

10. Two-Faced

If you’re getting to know someone, it’s important to meet the people in their circle so you can learn more about who they really are. For instance, meeting the person you’re dating friends is a great way to get more immersed in who they are. Another factor that you should be paying attention to is how they act around their friends. Ask yourself if suddenly when their around their friends if their personality changes? Are they suddenly rude to you? Or are they telling jokes at your expense? If any of those answers is a yes, that is a red flag. If your partner changes who they are in front of their friends, it’s possible you never truly knew them.

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Know the signs before it’s too late. Red flags to look out for before starting a relationship. Look for gaslighting, crazy exes and controlling behavior in your partners. https://www.garbo.io/blog/early-dating-red-flags

Image: Unsplash, Joe Yates

Why can you never seem to get your partner to communicate with you, and when you do it’s met with manipulation, stonewalling or an argument? This type of emotional manipulation is a big red flag. https://feeld.co/ask-feeld/how-to/recognizing-red-flags-in-the-dating-stages

Image Credit: Unsplash, Vitaly Gariev

Red flags aren’t things that someone will just grow out of – they show who they truly are

When you first get to know someone, you should pay attention to how they make you feel, not just to what they say. There’s a saying that actions speak louder than words, so look out for signs like they’re moving too fast, they get angry easily, they try to control who you talk to, or what you wear. These aren’t signs of love; they are signs of control.